How to Bring Up Kinks With Online Relationships

“Compliment her and then tell her what you would like her to do”

We all keep secrets from our partners, from the little, tiny omissions to the large, life-altering ones. When one of those secrets is about something as private and intimate as a personal kink, though, keeping the secret can begin to cause a serious strain on your relationship and sex life. You might feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled, she might feel like you’re keeping something more heinous from her, and before long, bad blood can begin to boil. When you’re in an online relationship, distance can feel even greater. Of course, it’s understandable to be nervous about bringing kinks up, especially if you don’t know how your partner might react. What if she ridicules you? What if she’s disgusted? Any rejection is hard, but rejection of something so personal can smart even more. Luckily, if you follow the steps below, you can be sure to lessen any possible blow-back and increase your chances for the best possible outcome.

How to Have That Discussion

First things first, this is not a conversation to jump right into. Don’t wait until you’re in the middle of cybering to bring this up. Instead, choose an appropriate time for a talk, when neither of you will be distracted or called away, and bring up the idea of kinks in general. Talk about how different people are into different things, then bring up your own kink gently and feel out how they react. Remember that compromise is always the key in relationships and that this is no different. Maybe come up with a system where, every once in a while, each partner gets a day to ask for whatever they would like in bed, and the other partner indulges them.

The Possible Reactions and What to Do

“Oh Shit! She blocked me”

There is, of course, always the possibility that your partner will reject the idea of your kink or even reject you altogether. Perhaps your kink is just too much for them to handle or triggers a bad reaction for them emotionally. When it comes down to this absolute worst case scenario, you need to figure out if it’s more important for you to have a partner who understands and respects your kinks and differences, or to just have a partner at all. If they do react indifferent or favorably, it’s key to remember that it’s not automatically an indication that they share your kink. Perhaps they just wish to make you happy and see you fulfilled. If they see how satisfied and pleased you are with your kink and the indulgence of it, perhaps they might be more willing to partake. As with anything in relationships, sex is about give and take, compromise and sacrifice. On that note, it’s important to remember that the relationship isn’t all about you, either. If she indulges you in your kink, show your gratitude and acknowledge what she has done for you. In return, be just as willing to indulge her in any kinks she may bring up, as a favor in return.


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