We recognize people by smell and associate nostalgia with scents. There’s the power of pheromones and good, old-fashioned perfume. The smell of food makes us hungry, and the smell of pine needles remind those of us outdoorsy types of camping and roughing it. All in all, smells play a really important part of how you’re viewed and can give away a lot. There’s the old saying about a man coming home smelling of another woman’s perfume, but we’re going further than that. Women are perceptive, and unless you’re perfectly suave, your steady girl might have some suspicions about your extracurricular activities. Maybe you’re lucky, or just an extraordinary talented dude at cheating, but there are some pitfalls that no one can avoid. We have all experienced these surprising giveaways, so listen up and learn how to avoid perjuring yourself.
This might sound crazy to you, but think about it – how often is it that you cook fancy dinners? Maybe you LIKE cooking, but even then, if you come home smelling like some sort of exotic meal, your wife is going to wonder who exactly ate it with you. And possibly, who you ate. Here’s the thing: excuses about going to dinner with friends (and without her) only work for so long. Keep your dates with your girl on the side simple. Don’t cook lavish meals, even if it’s a hobby. If you smell like saffron, your LTR steady is going to know something is up. Keep it Febreezed, man.
A duh moment? Yeah, maybe. But so many guys mess this one up, us included. You have to keep on your toes, because there are smells that only chicks can pick up on. Seriously, it’s like they have some sort of inhuman ability to smell stuff that you can’t, like drug-sniffing dogs. If you have even the faintest whiff of “other woman” on you, you’re going down. Tell your fling that you’re allergic to perfume to curb this problem. She’ll be sympathetic and stop donning the smelly stuff, and you’ll be all the more safe for it.
Again, a smell that gives you away. If you’ve been using the same aftershave lotion from before the time your wife or long-term significant other met you, they’re not going to think anything is up if you wear it on a date with your chick on the DL. However, where some guys fail is that they start trying to impress the girl they’re banging on the side. First of all, let’s just start with: this completely defeats the purpose of having an affair. Affairs are supposed to be fun, and while we’ve all been in a rut – yeah, we admit it, too – it’s not worth catering to some chick you’re not even committed to by trying to improve yourself. The girl should be into you, and vice versa, and there shouldn’t be a dramatic attempt to make yourself appealing. That’s WHY you’re having an affair. Don’t change ANYTHING about your personal hygiene routine, and your wife won’t suspect a thing.