For whatever reason, a lot of dudes like to believe chicks are pure and fair maidens who have never thought about sex, or at least not sex other than in the missionary position. That might be because they want to introduce chicks to other aspects of sex, but it sounds kind of boring. It’s a lot more interesting and fun when a woman knows what she’s into and how she wants to have sex. Some women are upfront about their wants, telling you exactly how they want sex to go, but others are shy about it, whether because they’ve never tried the things they want, because they’ve never shared what their kinks are with anyone other than their girlfriends, or because she’s worried she’ll be made fun of. You’re an open-minded dude, though, right? And you know most chicks have their own kinks, so you want to know what your lady’s kinks are.
The Subtle Approach
“She seems to be into spanking”
Don’t go all Christian Grey on her by taking her to a hardware store and buying a bunch of BDSM supplies. That’s creepy, and it could embarrass her if she picks up on what you’re doing. Instead, try talking about how, this one time, your ex-girlfriend was into sadism and masochism, so you tried out some of those with her. Don’t get detailed; keep it vague, but make sure she knows that you’re cool with whatever she’s into. You might not want to do it, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get to share it with you.
The Direct Approach
Depending on what your relationship is like, you might want to be upfront here. Tell her, “I want to try (whatever it might be, as long as it’s legitimately something you’re into-she might take you up on it!) sometime. Is it something you could be into?” Or try asking, “Babe, I noticed you liked (whatever) when we had sex. Do you like more stuff like that?” You could even make a checklist (ask the Internet so you can be sure it’s thorough) and tell her, “I made a list of kinks. Mine are on here, but I thought we could each take a copy and mark off what we’re into, then look at them together.” If she’s comfortable with directness and skipping bullshit, this is a good way to go.
The Porn Approach
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“She looks like a porn star”
This one takes some timing, and you can’t do it if you know she doesn’t like porn or finds it degrading or whatever. Find something kinky online and play it as she’s about to come into the room. That way, she’ll probably see it. She’ll at least hear it. You could also put a DVD on, which she’ll definitely see and hear. Another option is to leave kinky porn around your apartment; DVDs, magazines, and even books are good for this. She’ll eventually say something, even if it’s just, “I don’t like you leaving porn around,” which means you can ask, “You didn’t like any of it?” She’ll have to answer.