Doubtless you’ve heard about a lot of guys who’ve gotten caught cheating. It’s a big deal, everyone is upset, and it’s the end of a marriage, end of trust, blah, blah, blah.
Here’s the thing: all the guys who get caught cheating are REALLY OBVIOUS and BAD at hiding their tracks. But you can avoid cheating mistakes.
There are really only three things you need to do to keep your wife from noticing that you’re having an affair. Seriously, it’s not rocket science, all four of us have been doing it for years and none of our wives have EVER caught on to our activities. These three tips for cheating are:
1. Hide the money.
2. Hide the tech.
3. Be cool.
Seriously, it’s that easy. Okay, let’s break it down.
Hide the money.
The biggest, stupidest, and worst mistake men make when cheating is using money that their wives can track. If you’re going to cheat, make sure you’re not doing it with a shared credit card or a joint bank account. Everything is easy to track online these days, and a lot of banks’ customer service reps will give a wife access to her husband’s money records if she has proof of ID.
Get a separate account. Don’t tell her about it. Use another bank if you’re paranoid, and get rid of the deposit slips, etc. If you can NOT get a separate account (or you’re sure she’ll know somehow), use cash only. A cash withdrawal is a lot easier to explain away than a $200 purchase at a hotel, or at a flower store.
If you married a rock-stupid woman, then you’re probably not worried. But most of us didn’t make that mistake, and we have to play things a little closer to the vest.
Hide the tech.
The other big problem that men make is that they not only forget to keep their money separate, but they forget to keep their technology separate. Women are usually just as nosy as men (if not more so), and if your wife has the slightest inkling that something may be amiss, she’ll PROBABLY try going through your phone.
If she sees too many female names (for some wives, that’s one female name) she doesn’t recognize, she might try looking them up. Remember, we live in the information age. All that tech that’s available might make your life easier, but it might make your wife suspicious.
If you’re not the kind of guy who takes your phone into the shower, try getting another phone-a track phone, burner phone, or prepaid phone should do the trick.
Not only does this keep your wife from having a way to contact your mistress, it also keeps your mistress from having a way to contact you when you don’t want her to.
Even if she’s in your phone as “Dan from work” or “Ugly Dave,” there’s still the danger that your wife could notice you having a whole bunch of calls from the same number, and get curious. There’s also the WORSE prospect of your wife answering the phone when it’s for you. Whether they actually speak or whether she gets some awkward hangups, that’s a bad situation for you to be putting yourself in.
Keeping your phones separate will free you from a lot of that stress. Your mistress should never have your home, cell, or work numbers. Yes, it’s more expensive than giving them out, but it will keep you safer than being stupid will.
No, we don’t mean that you should suddenly turn into Mr. Suave. You should act as close to your normal self as possible.
We surveyed a bunch of websites with articles like, “How to tell your man is cheating,” and “When you’re SURE he’s stepping out on you.” By far, the most common thing that women had in common was a suspicion that something wasn’t right because their husband wasn’t acting normally.
It’s simple: if you want her to think that everything is the same as ever, act like everything is the same as ever. Don’t act more loving or more attentive than usual-if you’re usually a pig who leaves his crap on the floor, don’t you dare start picking up now. If you’re usually a three-times-a-week in the sack dude, don’t go up or down from that number, no matter how many times you’re slipping it to the bit on the side.
Women aren’t any more “intuitive” than men-men just make dumb mistakes and women aren’t stupid. Don’t make dumb mistakes.